For the past several months, I have spent significant time with my one year old grandson -- he just turned one year old this past April. I have found this a fascinating experience, one that takes me back in time to the when I was raising the six of my own. But this time around, what has come to mind most frequently is how I must be as a little child to God. How much I fret and fuss and fume with God and his plan for me and with me, and how little I understand about the mission that he is fulfilling.
Let me give you an example. The little guy is hungry. I get up to make him a bottle. He sees that I am preparing it, he knows that it is coming, and it will only take one or two minutes to prepare. But that one or two minutes must seem to this child like an eternity, especially given the passion of his desire. Occasionally, I have tried to make the bottle while he is in my arms. This makes a mess; and so I often put him down which I am adding the formula to the water. If he is really hungry, oh does he howl! But then when I plug him in, he chomps down on his food, and his cries desist instantaneously into satisfied silence.
How often am I like this with God? I have seen him take care of me. I know he provides. I have seen him prepare for me bottle upon bottle upon bottle. And yet, I squall squall whenever I feel some sense of disquiet. When my soul is uncertain, it feels at times as if I have lost all my faith. I cry out to God in distress: where are you, why are you doing this to me, why is it that now you have decided to desert me?
Recently, the little guy has been wrapping his arms around my legs when I am standing at the kitchen sink preparing his bottle. It makes it difficult to move, to step over and grab the formula can, or to get the milk out the refrigerator, etc. This is a new thing; there was a time when I could get the bottle fixings entirely impeded. In this another analogy lies. Early in my Christian life I had faith that God would provide and I allowed him to do so unimpeded. As I have grown older, and supposedly wiser, I now feel that I must help God a bit. So, I wrap my arms around problems and situations and circumstances; am I hampering or impeding God in the process?
Probably not. Jayson does not really hinder me from accomplishing the mission. He simply adds to the work with the "help" he is intending to offer. God has multitudinous ways to keep me from impeding his missions. And I am thankful for this, for in spite of myself, God is the only one who is perpetually faithful.
Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 18, unless you become as little children, you will never enter into the kingdom of God. Implied in this statement is the realization that we are like children. I would suggest that we often find ourselves dealing with God in the same way an hungry child deals with his or her parent. Perhaps becoming like a child includes the realization that this is exactly how we are acting, that we are off fussing and squalling again, when God is simply doing all that is necessary to ensure that each one of our needs is provided.
My final example is when Jayson needs to go down to bed. He must have his sleep or his world doesn't work as it should. Little things become big things; the little bumps and tumbles which generally cause him no bother become big things, prompting unsettled crying whenever the baby is tired. Yet, if all is not perfect, when I put Jayson down, he tries to tell me that I have just made a horrendous mistake. Perhaps he feels abandoned; perhaps he feels left all alone. And yet, I've really gone nowhere; I have simply left him to get the sleep that he needs so that his world becomes right again, so that he will once again feel that everything is settled.
How many times do I feel as if God has abandoned me when in actuality I have simply been laid down to rest? Those who know me well know that resting does not come naturally to me. I would rather be restless and miserable than to sit down in silence and simply lay down for my nap. And yet in those times of restlessness, when I so often feel so lost and abandoned, perhaps God is simply saying, "Lay down, my child, you need to learn how to rest. Take a little nap now; rest in me, and in the end you will truly feel better."
To wrap this all up, through watching this grandson, I am learning more and more about how fickle and infantile I am. How I truly need to rest in my Savior and trust in him that he truly knows what he is doing. After all, my God is my Father; He is the perfect parent, the one who does all things to perfection.
***I need to add a note here in case Jayson stumbles onto this blog later on down the road. Jayson is not a problem child at all. he is a happy-go-lucky child who, when he is awake and well-fed, is smiley and happy and bubbly. He is truly a joy to be around. And likely God has the same idea of us, in spite of the times when are hungry and tired. He thoroughly loves his own children, and he happily provides for each and every one of their needs, just like I do with the little boy whenever it is my turn to take care of him.
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